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Sometimes I write things, but mostly I watch movies.
Is it about the journey or the destination? That’s the question at the center of Guy Ritchie’s (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Sherlock Holmes, The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare) latest film, Fountain of Youth. Per the synopsis, Fountain of Youth is about
“Fountain of Youth” follows two estranged siblings (John Krasinski and Academy Award winner Natalie Portman) who partner on a global heist to find the mythological Fountain of Youth. They must use their knowledge of history to follow clues on an epic adventure that will change their lives … and possibly lead to immortality
This film is written by James Vanderbilt (Zodiac, The Amazing Spider-Man, Scream VI). John Krasinski (The Office, A Quiet Place, IF) and Natalie Portman (Thor: Love and Thunder, Black Swan, May December) as treasure-hunting siblings Luke and Charlotte, respectively. The film also stars Eiza González (From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series, Ambulance, The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, Ash) as Esme, a mysterious woman trying to stop the pair from finding the titular fountain, and Domhnall Gleeson (Ex Machina, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Peter Rabbit) as Owen Carver, the rich benefactor of Luke and Charlotte. Additionally, the film features Arian Moayed, Laz Alonso, Carmen Ejogo, Benjamin Chivers, Michael Epp, and Stanley Tucci.
Mismatched Leads
A film lives or dies on the strengths of its lead actors. Unfortunately, Fountain of Youth has a pair of leads that cannot save it. First, let’s address the weaker of the two, Krasinski. Quite frankly, Krasinski is not cut out for a leading man role in a major motion picture. The role of Luke as a snarky man-child is a better fit for him than as a serious action man like Jack Ryan. Even then, he feels so artificial and forced. Everything about the performance feels like it’s been focus-grouped to appeal to the lowest common denominator. There’s no soul in it; it just feels like a lifeless imitation of a thousand other adventure film protagonists.
On the other hand, Portman is tolerable. This is certainly not one of Portman’s best performances, and part of this is the material (which is true of Krasinski, too). Even on a bad day, Portman can still give a good, if somewhat safe, performance. The character of Charlotte is very boring, which is part of the film’s core. Luke is attempting to draw Charlotte back into a life of adventure. However, the two simply do not have great chemistry. It’s hard to buy into the two actors as siblings. And sadly, since that doesn’t work, the whole film doesn’t work.
There are a few moments when the two have somewhat of a spark, but Krasinski just can’t keep up with Portman. He’s just outclassed in every way.
Supporting Roles
Speaking of chemistry, Krasinski does have better chemistry with González. The latter’s character, Esme, spends quite a bit of time in Fountain of Youth flirting/trying to kill Luke. That is honestly the highlight of the film. She brings an energy sorely missing from the rest of the film. Again, the material she has to work with is not much, but she fits the role of mysterious sexy assassin well, and the film knows how to utilize her. Even then, she still feels unremarkable in this.
As for Gleeson, he’s phoning it in. There’s no other way to put it. Part of it is the role itself; mysterious billionaire financier is such a tired trope, and there are only so many ways to play it. Even the film itself seems disinterested in the character until the third act, which is a shame because, given the right conditions, Gleeson can truly be stellar.
In terms of the rest of the cast, there is not much to say. All the other supporting characters are very minor and so blandly written that it’s impossible to remember anything about them. Even Tucci, in his minor role, does nothing interesting or noteworthy. It feels as if he is there solely to get the audience to go, “Oh look, Stanley Tucci is here”, and nothing else.
Fountain of Yawning
Fountain of Youth is boring, and that largely derives from its generic story and script. Vanderbilt has turned out good work in the past. However, Fountain of Youth is more in line with his work on Amazing Spider-Man than Zodiac. The elements for a better movie are there, but at every turn, Vanderbilt chooses the least interesting option. Perhaps most baffling is that the film’s first major setpiece is based around the true story of how his great-grandfather died. This could be an endearing and heartfelt tribute if it were written by anyone else. Yet, when you’re a literal member of the Vanderbilt family, it is more self-aggrandizing than anything.
That is not to mention, any world-building this film attempts just feels like a rip-off of Indiana Jones, National Treasure, or a dozen other adventure flicks. And for an adventure film, it lacks adventure. Yes, there is globetrotting, but anytime the film arrives at a new location, it goes inside. Seriously, so much of this film takes place indoors. It never takes advantage of the unique locales it’s in. Or bother to explore the cultures of its many destinations. It’s actively choosing not to engage with the fun parts of adventure films. It’s a real shame, considering much of the film is shot on location.
Furthermore, like everything else in this film, the themes are bare bones. It’s about reuniting with family and finding what actually matters in life. However, the film only engages with these ideas at a surface level and in ways that many other films have done better. Luke and Charlotte don’t get along, but because of the adventure, they get along better. There’s no nuance to any of it.
Guy Ritchie Misfires
Sadly, Fountain of Youth does not feel like a Guy Ritchie film, which occasionally can be a good thing. For instance, The Covenant lacks most of his signatures and is one of his best films in years. The same can’t be said of this. It’s missing the kineticism and punch of his best work. A few action sequences have a bit of style to them, but most of the film is so anonymous. Clearly, this is not a project Ritchie is passionate about, and it shows.
And regrettably, this film has the same look that haunts many direct-to-streaming movies. There’s no color, no contrast. Just the lifeless grey that executives crave because it has mass market appeal. And that applies to practically everything else about the film. It’s made with such little passion, and that’s impossible to care about anything. Any hint of style is crushed under the need for the film to algorithmically appeal to as many viewers as possible.
The Verdict on Fountain of Youth
Unfortunately, Guy Ritchie’s Fountain of Youth lacks the directorial charms of many of his best efforts. And it fails to have many memorable action sequences or set pieces. This has no real sense of adventure, just perfunctory scenes and themes. You would be better served watching almost Indiana Jones film or playing an Uncharted game if you are craving globetrotting adventures. It is safe to say that the journey and the destination are not worth it here.
Score: 2/5
Fountain of Youth streams on AppleTV+ starting today, May 23rd!
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Sometimes I write things, but mostly I watch movies.
